Goodbye, Toys-R-Us

Friday, June 29th

As we pay tribute to a childhood legend, Reverend Ed Lover gave the eulogy for the homegoing service commemorating Geofrey The Giraffe and the entire Toys-R-Us franchise. Rest In Peace.  DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY, TO COMMEMORATE THE LIFE AND LEGACY OF ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC FIGURES IN THE HISTORY OF PARENTING – GEOFFREY THE GIRAFFE AS WELL AS THE WHOLE ENTIRE TOYS-R-US FRANCHISE. AFTER 50 PLUS YEARS IN THE BUSINESS AND BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN DEBT, TOYS-R-US WILL CLOSE ALL 735 OF THEIR STORES, INCLUDING BABIES-R-US, BUT NO STORE WILL EVER REPLACE THE FEELING OF COLORFUL JOY, HOLIDAY CHEER AND THE SMELL OF PLASTIC THE WAY TOYS-R-US DID. FOR DECADES TOYS-R-US, YOU HAVE BROUGHT SMILES AND LAUGHTER TO CHILDREN OF ALL AGES – EVEN THOUGH OUR KIDS WOULD HAVE COMPLETE MELTDOWNS ON YOUR STORE FLOOR BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS WANTED EVERY-SINGLE-DAMN-THING. FROM LEGOS, TO BEANIE BABIES, TOM-A-GATCHEES, BARBIES, POLLY POCKETS TO LINCOLN LOGS, ERECTOR SETS, ETCH-A-SKETCHES, LIGHT BRIGHTS, MONOPOLY, G-I JOES … TO THE PENNY MACHINES UP FRONT WHERE WE DISTRACTED OUR CHILDREN WITH A RIDE OUR TWO AS MOMS AND DADS BUDGETED HOW MUCH THEY REALLY WANTED TO SPEND, TOYS-R-US, YOU MAY NOT BE WITH US IN PRESENT, BUT YOUR PRESENCE WILL ALWAYS BE FELT WHEN WE LOOK AT PAST RECEIPTS IN OLD SHOE BOXES, AND OF COURSE, YOUR PRESENCE WILL BE FELT IN OUR HEARTS. LONG LIVE GEOFFREY THE GIRAFFE, LONG LIVE TOYS-R-US, I GUESS WE GREW UP, BECAUSE WE ARE NO LONGER, TOYS-R-US KIDS. REST IN PEACE, FROM THE ED LOVER MORNING SHOW, ON 104-3 JAMS, CHICAGO’S #1 FOR THROWBACKS.
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